Redefining Ambition
Somewhere along the way, we were conditioned to think that being ambitious means being in constant competition with those around us. But is that really true?
I’m an ambitious woman. And yes - I’m competitive.
Not in a tear-you-down-to-win kind of way. But in a push-myself-harder, break-my-own-limits, refuse-to-play-small kind of way.
And for a long time, I believed that was the only way to win.
Where it started: a system that rewards competition.
I grew up in an environment where getting the top marks in class was celebrated. Where striving to be the best was praised. It pushed me, made me determined, and shaped how I viewed success.
This way of thinking carried over into my career.
In corporate life, especially climbing the career ladder, I saw how ambition was often misinterpreted. Being driven wasn’t always encouraged; it was scrutinised. If you were too ambitious, you were seen as a threat. If you weren’t ambitious enough, you were overlooked. The balance was exhausting and isolating.
When you’re in a male-dominated industry, in a team where you’re the youngest, or constantly compared to others, success starts to feel like a race. And I won’t pretend I didn’t play into that.
I saw ambition through the lens of competition - as something that had to be defended. (It came with no surprise that one of my top 5 Gallup strengths is competition!)
Reframing the narrative: competition vs. growth
Here’s what I’ve learned: competition isn’t the problem. The problem is how we’ve been taught to see it.
For years, I saw ambition as something I had to prove. That being driven meant always having the answers, always being in control, always having my sh*t together
But ambition doesn’t mean you have to be an expert at everything. It doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. And it doesn’t mean success is something you do on your own.
Through the lens of self-leadership, I learned that ambition and growth it is about when to push, when to learn, and when to lean on others. The strongest leaders aren’t those who go at it alone, but those who know how to surround themselves with the right people.
The game changer: expanding my circle
One of the best things I’ve done for my career? Expanding my circle.
Because having Work Besties is one thing. But having ambitious women in different fields, with different experiences and ways of thinking? That’s been a game-changer.
I’ve met women who are bold in ways I never considered. Who own their ambition unapologetically. Who take up space, make bold moves, and aren’t afraid to be both driven and vulnerable.
And the more I surrounded myself with women like that, the more I realised:
I don’t have to be perfect to be ambitious.
I don’t have to have all the answers to make bold moves.
I can be driven AND ask for support.
It’s about choosing growth over ego, and leaning into held-leadership to seek out different perspectives, to step up, and to know when to let others challenge my thinking.
The confidence shift: owning my strengths
My confidence hasn’t come from competing harder. It came from seeing ambition differently. From owning who I am, without watering it down. From recognising that I could learn from other ambitious women, rather than measuring myself against the.
And now?
I lean into my strengths - but I don’t let them define me.
When I did Gallup’s Strengths Finder, two of my top strengths were:
Competition – measuring success externally, thriving in challenge, always wanting to push for more
Achievement – being driven by goals, progress, and a constant need to grow.
And for those playing along, the others in my top 5 are strategic, relator, and significance.
For a long time, I let those strengths shape how I saw success. But now, I see them as fuel for growth, not comparison.
Leading myself means knowing when to compete with me and not others. It’s about owning my ambition, not defending it.
The real flex is winning together
Winning with women beside you, not against you.
And ambition? It’s not something to fear. It’s something to own.
💬 Your Turn!
What’s your relationship with ambition? Has competition played a role in how you’ve navigated your career? Do you see ambition as something to prove, or something to own?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment or share your perspective with me.
Deep Dive (for those who want more)
🎧 Clare Stephens on being jealous of her best friend | But are you…happy? Podcast
📖 Ask Laura: How to navigate competitiveness in female friendships | Laura Henshaw for Vogue Australia
📺 Women FOR (not vs) Women | Michelle Kommer for TEDxFargo
Let’s connect!
📲 If you’re into bite-sized career and leadership convos, follow @workbestiesclub on Instagram!
💼 Let’s have a chat! Connect with me on LinkedIn
💌 Subscribe to Notes to Self get fresh reflections in your inbox, because sometimes, the best advice is just a Note to Self