The Mirror Is Where Growth Begins
Why self-reflection is the quiet skill every great leader needs.
There was a stretch of time when I couldn’t stop replaying things in my head. Feedback I received, meetings that didn’t land or that ick feeling in my gut after an interaction that should have gone better.
And this question kept circling back: “Am I the common denominator?”
Not from a place of blame, but from a deep desire to grow. I wanted to understand what was mine to own. What was truly in my control and what wasn’t.
The truth is, self-reflection is hard.
It’s so much easier to look outward and lay the blame on the circumstances, the team dynamics or the system.
It’s much harder to look in the mirror and ask the uncomfortable questions:
What was my part in that?
What patterns am I repeating?
What truths am I avoiding?
Whether it was external factors or not (because sometimes it is and we can’t control that), there is always a part that we play, and being able to own that is where the real leadership begins.
It was through those moments that I realised something simple, but important:
You can’t lead others if you’re not first willing to lead yourself.
And that starts with reflection.
The mirror is where growth (and leadership) begins
When I finally slowed down enough to look inward - to really look in the mirror - I started noticing things I hadn’t seen before. Old stories that I thought I had outgrown were still shaping how I showed up now, especially in high-pressure moments.
Early in my career, I was told I was “too much.” That my standards were “too high”. That I was a “tiger mum” and pushing people too hard. Even that my emails were too long (fair call, but I do love to write!).
So I softened, I shrunk…and I held back.
It created a strange tension where in some rooms I was bold and confident, and in others, I second-guessed myself and didn’t feel I could speak up. I was carrying old stories I hadn’t realised were still running the show.
Reflection gave me the clarity to see these stories and begin to unwind them so that I could work on a way forward.
Self-leadership is built in small moments
The shift didn’t come from one big leap or an epiphany moment. It was a series of small and quiet choices - the ones that no-one sees and the kind that you don’t post about online!
Self-leadership isn’t about having it all together! It’s about being honest with yourself and noticing your pattens, your stories, your reactions, and then pausing and choosing how to respond.
We can’t shift a pattern we haven’t noticed.
We can’t grow from a version of ourselves we’re not willing to truly see.
Reflection is the bridge between who we are and who we want to be.
Reflection is what get you there by reconnecting with yourself. It helps you understand yourself (your values, your impact, your behaviours) and take ownership without laying blame.
When I started to ask myself those hard questions, I began rebuilding my foundations for confidence and how I wanted to lead myself in order to lead others.
It doesn’t happen by accident
Reflection takes practice and honesty. It’s saying: This part was mine, and I’m learning from it. Importantly, it’s not about ruminating, being self-critical, or beating yourself up about past things.
For me, that practice looks like:
Morning walks where I let my thoughts wander and connect the dots.
Half-finished notes and thoughts in my phone that sometimes turn into something more (like this piece!)
Conversations with my work besties - the ones who hold the mirror up with compassion and clarity.
None of this is groundbreaking or new, but it helps me stay anchored in who I am, and who I want to be.
But these small moments keep me anchored.
They help me come back to myself, especially when I’ve drifted into overthinking and self-doubt.
Taking action & showing up with intention
When you lead yourself with clarity and compassion, you show others how to do the same.
For a long time, I thought confidence came from someone/something else: a mentor, a fancy title, a glowing piece of feedback.
Through reflection, I know that real confidence is built from within.
It comes from knowing myself: my value, my instincts, my ability to stretch further than I think I can.
I’m by no means confident all of the time! I don’t think anyone is. But I’ve learned not to wait to be 100% confident before I act.
By taking action and showing up with intention - even when I’m unsure - I know that confidence will follow.
Let’s connect!
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