Want to level up? Start with who is around you
They say you’re the average of the five people you spend time with. So…who’s helping or holding you back?
They say you’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.
I get the logic. But I don’t think it’s quite that simple. I don’t think its just about who is around you, it’s about how they make you feel.
Some people leave you feeling expanded - like your world is bigger, your ideas are sharper, and your energy is higher just from being in their presence. Others leave you feeling flat, drained, or stuck in the same cycles.
And research backs this up: When you’re surrounded by high performers (people who challenge themselves, push forward, and bring good energy) you naturally rise to the occasion. On the flip side, if you’re consistently around people who stay stuck, complain, or drain your energy, you feel it. (Listen to this Diary of a CEO podcast ep with Vanessa van Edwards).
Energy is everything
For me, enthusiasm is a core value. I love feeling uplifted, and I love uplifting others. The kicker for me is that enthusiasm flows best when it’s reciprocated. If I have to force the energy in a room, I start to overthink it and then it becomes like work, and honestly as an introvert it’s super draining.
This is why I find networking can be challenging at times, especially when I’ve picked an event topic or audience that is just not something I vibe with. For me, it’s not just about who you meet - it’s about how the connection makes you feel. If others are there to find likeminded people and truly connect with them, it’s a breeze and it’s energizing. Otherwise, if they are there just to fill their contact list, it’s draining!
I find that the best people to have in your circle aren’t just those who are successful on paper, but those who:
Energise and inspire you.
Have perspectives that make you think differently.
Push you forward instead of pulling you down.
Challenge you in a way that feels expansive, not exhausting.
A truth I didn’t want to admit
For a long time, I didn’t truly value the power - or safety - of having a strong group of women around me. I’m being super honest here: I used to feel competitive, jealous, even.
I know fed into that. I created stories in my head that turned some friendships into comparison traps. So I avoided some of them. It wasn’t about them - it was about me.
Before covid, I didn’t think too much about who I spent time with. I was surrounded by people all day - at work, on my commute, in passing. It was just the rhythm of life.
When everything went remote, it gave me the space to recharge, think, and move at my own pace. Through personal reflection and a lot of internal work, I realised I was missing something, I just didn’t know what.
What shifted my perspective
I started meeting other women - mostly through work - who brought something entirely different. Passion. Drive. Intelligence.
But instead of triggering comparison, it sparked admiration. I felt curious, not defensive. Inspired, not threatened.
It honestly was like lifting the weighted blanket off me.
Comparison still pops up from time to time (I haven’t shaken that completely which I think is human nature), but now it’s a side character, not the main one.
I’ve since built an amazing circle of people - women and men - who both support and challenge me. But there’s something especially powerful about the women who don’t just hype you up…they also push you forward. They ask the hard questions. They hold space for the messy and vulnerable stuff.
Keep those ones close. They’re your people.
Becoming intentional
COVID didn’t just give me space, it gave me perspective.
With fewer face-to-face interactions, I had to choose who I spent time with. And I began to pay attention to how those interactions made me feel.
Working mostly remotely with a team across the east coast, I have plenty of virtual meetings. But when I do spend time face-to-face - whether for work or socially - I make a conscious choice to spend it with the people who lift me up.
That feeling after a great conversation - the kind that energises you, expands your thinking, and makes time fly? That’s gold.
Yes, I still need to recharge after (reading, napping, going for a walk), but now I know the difference between being tired and fulfilled vs tired and flat. And that distinction matters.
Being strategic (without being transactional)
Success doesn’t happen in isolation. And while I’m not talking about being transactional, I am talking about being intentional with the people you surround yourself with.
This doesn’t mean cutting people out the moment they’re struggling or aren’t bringing top-tier energy every day. We all go through seasons. But it does mean:
Seeking out the people who elevate your thinking. Who challenges you in a way that makes you want to be better? Who do you walk away from feeling more motivated?
Expanding your orbit beyond your work. Sometimes the best insights, breakthroughs, and moments of clarity come from people who do something totally different from you. A fresh perspective can really help.
Focusing on the good when you can’t escape the bad. You can’t always control who’s around you, but you can be intentional about what (and who) you focus on. If you’re stuck in an environment that’s draining, seek out high-energy people in other areas of your life to balance it out.
But also as a reminder, if people are genuinely bringing you down and the vibes are off, consider pruning them from your life like you need to prune a tree to help it flourish. I have done this, and it has genuinely improved my mental health and relationships with others.
Build circles that lift you up
There’s something so nourishing about mutual energy exchange - the kind of relationships where you both give and receive support, ideas, and momentum.
The people around you don’t just shape your mindset…They shape your potential.
💬 Your Turn!
Here’s my challenge to you:
Who in your life lights you up?
Who leaves you feeling expanded after a conversation?
And if you’re feeling stuck, how can you add more of those people into your orbit
Let’s connect!
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